A love-hate relationship.

The first moment I held my boy, 4 hours after he was taken out via emergency c-section.

5 months ago, when I was awake every two hours, all night long, with a crying, hungry newborn baby…I admit that I was hoping time would go faster, and hoping for some longer periods of sleep, and hoping he would decide to sleep during the night instead of the day. 

Fast forward to today and I’m begging and pleading for time to slow down.

My little boy sat up by himself for the first time yesterday. We’ve been working on it for weeks and as soon as he did it, I was extremely excited and proud of him, but at the same time, terribly sad that he’s ALREADY sitting by himself…a thing he won’t need my help for anymore.

*wipe away mommy tears*

Yesterday, he also grabbed my mom’s plate while she was eating, he grabbed his daddy’s nose and thought it was so funny, and he then grabbed the rattle I’ve been trying to get him to grab for days and days. He amazes me, daily. Learning new things, surprising himself, laughing at the dogs and beards…every time he even just smiles, I love him more than the moment before. I love seeing every milestone (Praise God I have the opportunity to stay home with him!)

As sad as I am that he’s growing up so fast, I’m so excited to see who he is becoming (a love-hate relationship, persay.) And I’m humbly reminded daily of how he will need me less and less each day. As his mom, it’s my desire that he will always need me. I can relate this feeling to how my God must feel when life is “going really well” and I act like I’m in control and don’t need Him. Truth be told, I always need Him, every moment, every hour, every day. Whether our children need us or not, we are all God’s children, who will always need Him, just like Zeke will soon figure out that he needs Jesus, too.

I encourage all of you mommas out there to love your babies fiercefully, take a million pictures and videos of them as they grow (because each stage is equally as adorable and precious), cry when they don’t need you to help them sit anymore-but rejoice that you get to watch them do new things each day, and always remember that your babies will always be your babies even when they are no longer babies. Also, rely on God for everything, especially patience, guidance and parental wisdom. You can’t make time slow down, but you can be present and engaged in every moment.

I’ve learned so much in the last 5 months as a mom, and each day I figure out something new. My son is a great teacher. So is my God.


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